


Benedict becomes mine in Tibet

by Mette123



Category: Benedict Cumberbatch- Fandom, British Actor RPF, Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Benedit Cumberbatch, F/M, First Love, First Time, Fluff, Love, Oral Sex, Romance, Sex, benedict - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-20
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-18 17:19:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3577614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mette123/pseuds/Mette123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amanda meets Benedict in Tibet and makes him her chosen one. Read on about her initiation into sex by the world's most amazing lover (of course!), and about the dark secret uncovered on the way. Naturally, this is not about the real Benedict Cumberbatch, just a work of fiction and fantasy. If you like to imagine yourself under Benedict, you might enjoy this...  Please let me know what you think!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Breathless in Tibet... is it the mountain air?

PROLOGUE: 

She first saw him walking into the monastery grounds, looking lost. “What an unusual looking man”, she thought as he approached, two heads taller than everyone else and fifty shades paler. “Like a spiritual love child of these Tibetan monks, with his high cheekbones and slanted eyes”. Then his blue eyes met her green ones, and he spoke, and she was done for. 

“Sorry to interrupt your class”, he said in his warm baritone voice. “Could you tell me where I can find the main hall?”

“Certainly I can, but would you mind if I took this opportunity to teach my class how to greet you? My name is Amanda”, she said, offering my hand. He took it and they were both jolted by the surge that seemed to pass between them. “Benedict”, he offered and she turned to the class to get a sing-song “Good morning, Mr Benedict” out of them. Her star pupil offered to show him the way. “I hope my class of Monks are as well behaved as yours”, he said, his eyes lingering on her, mesmerising her with his smile. “I wouldn’t count on it”, she answered, cheekily. 

He first saw her walking amongst her students, bending down to instruct, clearly enjoying her work. Her dark blond locks were loosely braied into a side plat, curls escaping to frame her lovely tanned face. Cheekbones to match his, full lips bent into a smile, and gorgeous curves under that simple green cotton dress. He knew they were likely to meet soon, as two Westerners in a small Tibetan village, but he wanted to meet her now.

Instead of following the directions of his young guide, Benedict decided to step towards her class into the yard. Then she looked up and he was met by her curious green eyes, and that was it. An involuntary intake of breath and then he managed to speak. Even in that short interaction, he could tell that she could hold her own. And that she was not from an English speaking country. “Is that an accent I hear”, he said playing for more time. “Yes, no Oxford English for these poor students, I’m afraid. I’m Norwegian. They’ll have the strangest Tibetan-Norwegian English when I’m done with them”, she laughed. He became addicted right then to the way her eyes lit up on him. “I think they are lucky”, he said. “A much more interesting accent”. “Mange takk”, she responded and he reluctantly went to start teaching English to the unruly Monks, as he vowed to pick up some Norwegian.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************************  
Amandas Story: 

Four weeks after trying to run into each other as many times as possible, we had a day off. Benedict had casually suggested taking me to his favourite secret spot. I wasn’t sure what this meant, but I knew what I wanted it to mean. The tension had been building since that first day, furtive glances turning to lingering looks followed by close conversations under the stars. Sweet, torturous longing, and I could only dream he felt the same way.

Now the thin mountain air made me huff and puff as I tried to keep up with Benedict’s long paces up the track. He reached out to pull me up a high step, and damn if he didn’t take the opportunity to hold me a bit longer than needed. My heart was beating out of my chest and my head was spinning as he pulled me close. Altitude sickness, anyone buying that?

“Here it is”, he said, and guided me on to a grass-covered ledge. It was like an open cave, protected and luscious, and the view was breathtaking. He let me go and sat down on the ground, leaning back on his elbows, catching his breath and patting the space next to him. This was the sight that truly took my breath away, his tall lean body stretching out, his blue eyes on me shining with excitement. “Gorgeous”, was all I could muster, sitting down by his side.

Tibet truly was a magical place, and I’m sure it had something to do with my heightened state, but it was also plain as day that Benedict was magical in his own right. You could see the intelligence in his eyes, hear the open heart in his words– that is, if you could get passed the cheekbones and cupid bow and tousled hair. No one at home had come even close to making me feel this way. I knew after a week that I wanted him to be the one. But how? I couldn’t just proposition him, could I? In my limited experience, I was the one being chased, and I didn’t enjoy it; tiresome clumsy flirts, barely concealed lust turning me off, not on. I didn’t want to do that to him. I wanted the real thing; romance, maybe even love. And here it was; here he was.

Spurred on by that thought, I just acted on impulse, turning my face towards his, and finding him already there. “Oh, Amanda”, he said and pulled me towards him in the loveliest kiss I have ever known. His hands around my face, his soft lips on mine, tentatively exploring with his tongue – I just fell into him and melted; there is no other way to describe it. On their own accord, my fingers threaded into his curls, and we both begun moaning into each other. We fell together now, down on the ground, warm hands travelling down my sides, grazing my breasts, breaths erratic, heart’s beating together. I wanted to eat him, drink him, and have him right there. That thought stopped me dead in my tracks. I slowed my breath down and pulled away just slightly. Immediately, he stopped and looked at me.

“Too much?” he asked. “Sorry, I don’t usually move this fast, it’s just… you are so bloody beautiful…”  
“Neither do I”, I panted, sitting up slightly and trying to regain control. “I mean, I don’t usually do this but I can’t help myself with you.” Before we collapsed into each other again, I wanted some space, perhaps to explain, if only a little bit.

“This wasn’t quite the plan, you know”, I started, “I came here to teach English, not to snog gorgeous English boys”. He laughed, “Well, I wouldn’t say they’re mutually exclusive. But I do hope they’re not plural, the English boys you snog. And also, I am hardly a boy – I am 26.”   
“Well, I am an ancient 22”, I retorted. “And yes, there is only one man that I haven’t come here to snog”, my command of English slipping from my grasp. 

“But I did kind of hope I would find a nice man to loose myself to”, I said unthinkingly, and then immediately cursed myself for this grammatical error that was also a Freudian slip. Which he noticed, of course. “Loose myself in?”, he asked, ever the English teacher. In a split second, I made an important decision: I decided to tell him. A little full on perhaps, after a first kiss, but at the pace this was going it was best to speak now and not at the moment of truth. 

“Both”, I admitted. “I mean loosing myself to you and hopefully also in you”.  
“Meaning….”, he said, “that I am a virgin”, I finished the sentence.   
He sat up and looked at me with equal amounts of disbelief and curiosity. “I’m sorry, how old did you say you were? How could someone as gorgeous as you possibly be a virgin at 22?”  
That’s when I made another decision: enough shocking information for the day already. “Never met someone I felt like loosing myself to”, I simply said.

“And you have now?”, he asked, an eyebrow cocked upwards, a look that made my heart beat hard again. “I think so”, I said, suddenly feeling very awkward. This propositioning business was not easy. He looked at me, with a smile slowly crinkling his smooth face, and said “Am I auditioning?”. I closed in on him again and whispered in his ear “I think you pretty much got the part, then and there”. He made a sound that was almost a growl, put his arms around me and carefully lay me down again. “I am honoured. But not now, and not here. These things take some working up to.” Then he proceeded to kiss me, lingering deep kisses on my mouth, then travelling down to where my breasts were showing above my top, kissing and caressing them. I could hardly control myself already, pushing myself into his hands, unable to hold back a groan. “This has been a long time coming”, I’ve tried to explain myself, gasping.

“I’ll say”, he said. “I’d love to hear why. It beggars belief that someone as beautiful and brilliant as you is still a virgin. And that you are choosing me to change that.” His gaze was almost a worshipping one now, as he lifted up my top and placed hot, firm kisses on my belly. His hands now on my hips, moving down to my thighs, grazing the hot pulsating place where they meet. Oh my God, I almost screamed out loud at the soft touch. I was embarrassingly wet. Only he seemed to find that exciting, judging by his groans. Suddenly he pulled away – I had to bite my lip to stop myself from pleading with him not to – and came up to face me. “What do you say”, he said still panting, “about going down to this little guest house I know in the village on the other side of this mountain?”. I felt like begging him to take me here and now, or take me wherever he liked, all the pun in the world intended. To conceal my total abandon, I only nodded mutely.

He must have taken my lack of verbosity – for which I was not known - for apprehension, because he continued: “I’m not suggesting we go there to make love. I just thought it might be nice to lie down somewhere out of the sun and not on the grass, and take our time exploring…” I found my voice again. “Yes, please”, I said, nibbling his ear. “I would love that. This is heaven. You are heavenly”. My excitement was spilling over into my words now; I couldn’t help it. “Sorry if I am cheesy”, I smiled embarrassed, as he took my hand to pull me up. “Honesty works for me”, he said, squeezing it. Only then did I feel a twinge of guilt. This was definitely not the whole story. And if I could help it, he wouldn’t hear it. But what I had said was at least true. Might as well get another little thing out of the way as we were walking. “By the way, I have a birth control implant”, I said. “For practical reasons, you know, when in the mountains”. He looked back at me. “Lucky for us then that I’ve just did a thorough round of tests before I came here. We should be good when it comes to that.” My insides just melted at the very thought of it “coming to that”. But he had said we weren’t going to this place to make love. Then what?

As we walked down the beautiful hillside to the Tibetan village below, my pulse quickened again. We signed in to the guesthouse as “Mr and Mrs Cumberbatch” “That’s a great name you just came up with”, I said as we walked to the room. He shot me a long look and explained the name was his, at which I had a fit of nervous giggles. The room was softly lit, cool and cosy. We seemed to be the only people in the guesthouse, and I could see people working the fields through the small window. He came up and embraced me from behind as we looked out. 

“So… “ he started with his deep voice in my ear, sending shivers down my spine. “I thought we could explore each other… see what you like… let me show you a few things I like”. My heart was now beating so loudly, he must be able to hear it. And my breath, hitching. My chest rising just over his hands. Again, I was near speechless, turning around to face him. “That…ah.. sounds nice” I stammered. Frustrated, I launched into a kiss to show him just how nice that sounded to me. I must be the least shy, most eager virgin in history. He didn’t seem to mind that. 

He caught up to me in a second, pushing my body into his, hands at the small of my back, his growing erection caressing me at the front. We kissed our way to the four poster bed, and he gently laid us down. “How innocent are you, exactly”? he asked. “Um… quite?”, I said, not knowing how to answer that question. I knew all about sex – they do teach us that stuff where I come from – but had almost no practical experience beyond kissing a few guys and enduring some fumbling caresses. He’d never believe me. Then he whispered “You’re a passionate person, Amanda. I can tell. We are going to have such a lovely time together.” I felt myself go wet at the very words.


	2. Benedict takes my breath away in Tibet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benedict delights Amanda more than once...

Benedict and I were in the throes of passionately making out. His wonderful warm hands seemed to be everywhere, stroking my neck, tracing my curves, grazing my nipples, eliciting moans from me. He rolled us over so that I was on top, very aware of his hardness against my centre. I closed my eyes to all the sensations, and to be honest to block out the shyness that had come on after all. “Look at me”, he whispered, pulling my long locks back from my face. “Tell me what you like”.

The question I hoped he wouldn’t ask. “I don’t know, do I- I’m a virgin, remember?”. He chuckled and said “Don’t be coy. I am sure you know something about what you like.“ “What are my options?” He laughed that deep laugh again, vibrating through his body and mine. He said: “Well, some like it fast, others slow” and placed his hands firmly on my bum to massage my centre slowly up and down his length. My breath hitched. With “Some like it soft, others hard”, he softly kissed my breasts, and then suddenly grazed my stiff nipples with his teeth. “Ouch”, I said and pulled back. “OK, not hard then”, he smiled. “Everyone likes to be kissed and touched and licked and sucked….” He said, turning me over and moving downwards on me. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my….

I had to slow this down. I was going to explode, loudly, uncontrollably, possibly disintegrating into sobs. He was so amazing, and I had waited so long for this, and overwhelmingly it seemed to promise love, ecstasy, joy. I didn’t want to scare him away with all that intensity. I took a good hold of his curls and tugged, which only caused him to moan – he liked that – so I had to say “Please, come back up”. He reluctantly obeyed, and said “don’t worry, I was only going to taste you”. My heart made a somersault at the promise of that. “I was just wondering,” I manage to blurt out, “who are all those someone’s and everyone’s?”. I suddenly felt a terrible mix of jealousy and curiosity. 

“You’re wondering if I have been with a lot of people?”, he asked. I shrugged. “Well, you have to remember I am an old man, I’ve been at it for over a decade”, he said with a crooked smile. “I’ve learned a thing or two that I hope to put to good use with you.” Again, breath erratic, heart going on a roller coaster ride down to my stomach and up, my body involuntarily straining towards his. “What was your first time like?”, I asked in a bid to buy more time, regain a modicum control. “Ah… It’s probably good you’re not my first. It’s not easy when you’re a guy, you know. To know how to be careful with someone and to control yourself at the same time. I think we did pretty well, though, we were both virgins and we both got a lot of pleasure out of it.” Then his brow furrowed, and he asked “Are you worried about the pain?”. “Not in the least”, I said, and meant it. 

Benedict shifted onto his side and traced his long fingers down my curves. “I can’t quite piece you together, you know”, he said. “You are so passionate and responsive. You show so much courage. I don’t get how you can be like this, yet not have acted on it before?” Damn… He was far too smart. I wasn’t going to get away with this. And when he found out, he probably wouldn’t want me. Unless… “Is it wrong for a girl to hold onto herself?”, I said, going for attack as the best defence. “To want to give herself to someone special, not to some small town boy that happens to be around?” “Of course not”, he said, visibly concerned at seeing me upset. I knew the tears in my eyes would be glistening in the half-light. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, there is nothing wrong with you being a virgin, to the contrary. I just want to get to you know, to understand you.” “Well, this is me… “ I tried, “eager but clueless as can be, I’m sorry if I am clumsy and overexcited and”… 

He stopped me with a kiss. “Not clumsy”, he said, taking my hand towards his bulging crotch and showing me how to rub him up and down. He threw his head back to reveal his beautiful long neck, and I thought that I had never seen a more glorious sight than Benedict loosing himself in sensation. “Not overexcited”, he said, bringing his hand to my centre, slowly letting his long fingers caress me up and down, feeling the wetness through my drenched panties. “This is how it is meant to be - when sex is really, really good”. He lay me on my back and held my hands down and kissed me, using his tongue beautifully, on my eager mouth, over my neck, circling around my hard nipples until I was trembling. His mouth traveled down to my belly again and he carefully took off the last of my clothes and suddenly he was there, all tongue and lips and warm breath, and I couldn’t stop myself from crying out. 

“Ok?”, he said, looking up at me from between my legs. “Oh Yes!”, I said, “Oh yes” Please, more!” Smiling, he went back to giving me the most amazing, passionate oral treat, sucking and licking and holding my thrashing hips down. He could hear me rise with his expert moves, my moans becoming louder, and oh my God, I could do nothing to stop myself now, the pressure he applied was tortuously perfect and soon, I was coming, loudly, explosively, my body rising up by itself. “Oh Ben… Ben… Aaaah!!! Oh my GOD! Thank you, thank you” I panted, coming down from a high, lifting him up to give him a kiss of grateful ecstasy, tasting myself. “My pleasure”, he smiled into my kiss, wiping the tears now squeezing themselves out of my eyes down my temples. “Sure you are alright?”   
I laughed between sobs, “Never been better, ever”.

“In that case”, he said, “mind if we have a bit more of this?”. “Again?” I asked, surprised, still out of breath. “Surely you’ve heard of multiple orgasms?” “Yes, I’ve heard of them, but…” and then he was there again, with his beautiful fingers, circling me, now letting one of them slip inside me. It felt new, exciting, starting another wave of yearning in me. As he put two of his long fingers in, I couldn’t help my sharp intake of breath. He was already filling me. “You’re so tight”, he whispered. “We are going to have to take this nice and slow”. “Are we?”, I breathed, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. I wanted the pleasure, but now I was a bit wary of the pain. If this hurt, then how would it feel to have all of him inside of me? “We are, he said, softly moving inside of me, “deliciously slow. Trust me?”. He looked at me, his pupils so dilated that his eyes were dark, and I could see my own excitement mirrored. “Yes”, I said, and he begun carefully stretching me. I bit my lip to hold back a whimper, and mercifully, he stopped. “Enough of that”, he said, “now how is this?”. His fingers moved around in me and it did new and wonderful things to the way I was feeling. “Good”, I gasped, “Lovely… nice… OH!”. He hit a spot that send tingles out to my whole body. I had heard of this place, read about the possibility of its existence – so, not a myth then, I managed to think before his moves swept me away to an unthinking place. He deftly moved his mouth down on me again, and licked me while he caressed me from the inside, and it quickly became wonderfully unbearable. I came again, shouting his name, riding those waves he had created for many intense seconds. 

As I slumped in his arms, I was only able to utter an exhausted, exhilarated “Wow”. “Indeed”, he said, “You are so incredibly responsive”. “I am because of you”, I answered, snuggling into him, inhaling him. “Hm… “ was his only retort, playing with my hair. “I’d love that to be true.” He didn’t say much else. I was suddenly very aware of the fact that while I had been satiated twice over, in new and astounding ways, he had not had any attention. I was in a heightened state, fueled by love hormones, keen to share them yet feeling like jelly in his arms. “How about you?”, I asked tentatively, skimming his taut tummy down to his pelvic bone. “All the more happy for making you come, twice”, he said, sounded very satisfied indeed. “We can see to me tomorrow. I think you need a sleep on this. To be continued.” He wrapped us both up, kissed my hair, and cosied up to me in my post-orgasmic haze.


	3. Deep lakes, deep secrets, deep feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benedict and Amanda goes further and deeper, revealing their secrets on the way.

I woke to a ray of sunshine from the opened door, seeing Benedict’s slender profile against the light. In two paces, he was with me in bed, kissing me good morning. I felt like I was still in a luscious, lustful dream. God, he was gorgeous in the morning sun. His curls were damp, his face shiny clean. “I had to have a cold shower to calm myself down”, he said, “just from waking up next to you”. “We’ll have to warm you back up”, I responded, and pulled him down next to me, turning towards him sideways for a hot kiss. This was the time for “more of that later”, which is what he said when I attempted to please him last night. I was hungry now to touch him, taste him, bring him to even half the heights he had brought me. (Well, technically that would have to be true – men aren’t known for their multiple orgasms.) There was the temptation of loosing myself in our passionate kisses, in his caressing cool hands, so I willed myself back to the job at hand so to speak.

“Show me?”, I said, tentatively, bringing my hands from his chest down over his flat stomach towards his groin, where his cock was waking up quickly. “Oh yessss”, he hissed, watching me under half-closed lids. Ah, the sight of him excited and enjoying was as big a turn-on as anything. There was something more to it to; a feeling of power, perhaps, and a hot desire to please him. Now, how hard could this be?

I took a cue from his work on me last night, and trailed his gorgeous lean torso first with my finger and then with my kisses, firm followed by soft. The teasing trail skipped his middle and went down to his thighs, eliciting a moan from him when my long hair swept over his manhood. Truth be told, I was a bit daunted seeing him up close. I had nothing to compare him to, but he looked enormous to me. I tried not to think of him inside of me, both from fear and excitement. Instead, I put my hands around him, gently, and started caressing his length. His hands came down to squeeze mine harder, showing me how he liked to be touched. 

We moved together until I followed with my mouth. His hands grabbed the sheets as I kissed the tip of him, the length of him. Oh, like silk and steal. Hard, warm, throbbing, smooth. He was so beautiful. I looked up at his face, met his eyes, and tentatively took him into my mouth. He released a trembling deep groan, one of pent-up desire. He guided my head up and down, threading his fingers in my hair. The taste of him, the quickening breath as I tried a few experimental tongue flicks, moving with him at the speed he wanted… I let one of my hands caress his balls while picking up the pace, eliciting another groan. “Keep that up, and you’ll make me come!”, he panted. “That’s the idea”, I broke off to say, only to start again with renewed vigor. “Oh My God”, he shouted, and tugged me off by the hair so I just missed tasting his cum. I loved being the one to bring him to the same abandon, loved seeing him throw his head back in ecstasy. As soon as he was humanly able, he pulled me back up to him for a long deep kiss and I could taste his gratefulness as he had tasted mine yesterday. “Oh… My… God”, he said again, “Amazing Amanda”. Hands still in my hair, now bringing me in for more kissing, making me hot and slick and wet. Lucky he had just had his release, or I would have jumped him, then and there.

“My turn to have a shower”, I said and slid off the bed. “I could play with you…”, he offered lazily from bed, oozing sexiness. Tempting, but I desperately needed to regain some self control. “Later”, I whispered as I wrapped myself in my sarong and headed out. There is something so sensuous about an outdoor shower on any day, but in my heightened state the water cascading down felt like another caress. Except I gasped the icy cold. Exactly what I needed to put out the fire, if only temporarily.

When I came back, he had packed us up. Time to go, back to our village, back for work. We grabbed some Tsampa, a Tibetan bread, and headed back up, hand in hand. This time we took the long way around the mountain, not wanting this time to end. Back at the village, there would be little chance to even steal a kiss or two, as we were staying with families. As we turned a corner, a clear blue mountain lake appeared. 

“Are you thinking what I am thinking?”, said Benedict. “Swim!”, I said at the same time as he said “Picnic”. “Ow, you’re such an Englishman. Where I’m from, you have to earn your meal by jumping into the water”, I said, daring him. Soon we were running to the lake, stripping off and racing each other in. Quick, I thought, before I get self-conscious. It was one thing having my clothes caressed off me in dim light, quite another to strip naked in the stark day. He must have felt the same way, because he ran, all sleek marble leanness, into the water. I caught an exciting glimpse of his firm white buttocks and fell headlong in myself. Brrr, it was icy and refreshing. New endorphins shot through my body, and I came up beside him, high on life. We treaded water and kissed, and soon I had my legs wrapped around him. I realized that, a little lower, he was impossibly hard again. Who would have thought, in +14 degree water? “It’s all you”, he smiled, embarrassed. I edged my way down towards him, and saw him wince. “Don’t you overestimate my self-control”, he said. “You don’t want your first time in a lake.” “Maybe my second time?”, I said, gently grinding towards him. “As long as we don’t drown doing it”, he laughed, and pushed us off back to land. 

We soaked up the sun loosely wrapped in our sarongs, his hand on my belly, kissing and giggling into each other’s ears. “Imagine if we were from a culture where you had to get married to have sex”, I said. “You’d get married oh so fast feeling this way…” trailing off, catching myself sounding like I was fishing for a proposal. But Benedict just laughed an exasperated laugh and lay down, covering his eyes with his hands. “What?”, I asked. He collected his thoughts before responding. “I am going to be really honest”, he finally answered. “You saying things like that, it makes me want to belong to one of those cultures. Same with you saying that it’s only me, making your body respond. I want that to be true. There you have it”. He removed his hands and looked me in the eye, searchingly. It took my breath away, his gorgeous blue eyes and his heartfelt admission. I swallowed nervously. I could match his feelings and then some, but could I match his courage? Should I tell him?

“But perhaps”, he joked but with an undertone of hurt when I didn’t answer, “you are just using me for sex”.  
That was it. That was exactly what I would be doing if I didn’t tell him the truth. I took a deep breath and jumped in.

“Benedict, there is something I need you to know about me. Something that might kill off all those tender feelings”, I said. “Not bloody likely”, he muttered, but with concern in his eyes. “No promises, just please hear me out, OK?” He nodded.

“Benedict, I killed a man.”


	4. Delisciously deflowered at last!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets revealed, love declared and finally Benedict deliciously deflowers Amanda.

“You… killed a man?”, he repeated, dumbfounded. I nodded, took a deep breath and geared up to tell my story in the briefest, most neutral way I could. With this, I had jumped in to the deepest darkest lake I knew, and I just wanted to get back to shore – to see if he would still be there.

“I grew up with an abusive father. He terrorised the whole family, but mostly beat my mother only. One night when I was 16, he came home drunk and started bashing her violently. My brother, just 13, ran at him to get him off Mom. He succeeded, but all the violence turned on him. When my father started kicking him in the head, my mother and I just reacted instinctively. We grabbed whatever was near: a vase, a pot, and we tried to knock him out. Instead, we knocked him dead. My brother also died a few days later from brain hemorrhage. I had to move to a foster home while my Mom tried to recover.”

I glanced at him sideways. His expression was one of utter shock. I could see he was carefully trying to formulate what he was about to say. At least, the looks he shot me were not dead or disgusted ones. He just seemed really horrified. Fair enough. I had told this tale so often, in writing and in person, even to audiences – I forgot how shocking it was. “How did you get through this?”, he finally asked. 

“I was in and out of foster homes, psych wards and rehab for the next 5 years”, I admitted. “What helped me in the end wasn’t therapy or drugs; it was writing. That, and helping others who had been through trauma.” I glanced at him – still shocked, still horrified. “Didn’t leave much time for dating, though”, I said trying to lighten things up. He still didn’t react. Fear rose in my chest. I could handle the trauma of the past. What I couldn’t handle, was if this was the end of us. My voice trembled as I continued: “I am so sorry to bring this dark past with me. If you don’t want me anymore, just tell me – tell me now”.

His arms were around me in an instant. “Don’t say that! Never think that”, he said, and I realised he was fighting his tears down to. “This past is not your doing; it is part of you. When you love someone you love all that they are.” I stared at him. Love someone? He broke into an embarrassed smile. “Well, you’ve told me your secrets… might as well reveal mine.” I leaned against him and succumbed into a silent, relieved cry. He just rocked me and I felt the last of my defenses melt.

“It all makes sense to me now. I mean, you do”, he said on our walk back to the village. “How you can be so innocent and wise at the same time. So unsure and so very confident.”

We walked a bit further, and I piped up. “You know how you asked me how I got through? I am not sure I am through yet. That’s why I think I am scared of loosing control. Not that I haven’t in moments with you, and not that it hasn’t been the best moments of my life so far. I just need to retain some of it.” 

“All the more reason to take it slow”, he answered with a squeeze of my hand. One week until our next day off. One week of teaching monks and kids and living with families, and certainly no chance to bring each other to or over the brink of ecstasy. “Think of me when you touch yourself tonight”, he whispered in my ear as we said goodbye for the evening. I trembled at the thought. He noticed, and chuckled. I trembled some more at the sound of his deep voice. And obeyed like a good girl. 

 

It was a week of hot glances and careful caresses. I found sweet, cheeky, sexy notes in my English books. “I dreamed that we were out of control in a lake”, one read. “I am making a bucket list of all the things I want to do to you in different locations”, read another. Soon, those bucket list suggestions were going back and forth, coal on the fire. One of mine read “I’d love you take me up against a wall in London.” That evening, he grabbed me by the elbow on my way home in the dying light and steered us to a wall out of sight in the meandering village. I found myself pinned against the wood, kissed with enough passion to set it alight, deliciously caught between that wall and another hard place… Oh, it was impossible to sleep after that. We both lay awake and whispered our desire to the moon, and turned up with foolish grins and dark circles the next day, reading each others' minds. 

Finally, the week ended and the long-awaited day off was here. The butterflies were aplenty, but excitement was currently winning out over nerves. I felt in good hands with him, in all ways possible. We met outside the village – already enough giggles from the local kids, catching us holding hands, and a few stern looks from the monks. He beamed as I approached and took me in his arms. “Look at you”, was the admiring comment he made on my best efforts; the turquoise dress, my hair dancing down my back. “Ready?” “Very”, was all I said, offsetting the curt comment with a big grin. I could not be the shy chaste virgin. I was the come-hither, siren virgin. At least, he made me feel that way. 

“You know, you look like some kind of Tibetan love goddess”, he teased as we walked up the mountain. “Well, you must be the Dalai Lama of sex”, I retorted inelegantly. “Hmm, I don’t know if those two words belong in the same sentence. Can I at least be sexier than the Dalai Lama?” “Oh you are, baby, you are…. “ 

We couldn’t get to the village fast enough. We couldn’t get in the room fast enough. The door had hardly closed when we were all over each other, backpacks tossed, frantic kissing and tearing and touching. “Hold on”, Benedict said as I tugged at the string holding up his pants, taking my head in his big hands and bringing our foreheads together. “Just… let’s calm down. Let’s take this slow. We have all day and all night. We will get there.” I tried to find my breath again and let out an exasperated laugh. “Yes… that’s right, I was the one asking for control. That’s not going to plan…” 

“Here is the deal”, he said, with admirable self-control. “You set the pace. If at any time you want to stop, or slow down, or do something else, you have to tell me. That’s the only way this can work, otherwise I’ll be wondering every step of the way.” “I can do that”, I promised him. “And right now I think we should move to the bed, otherwise what I want to do will happen right here on the cold floor”. “That’s one for the bucket list”, he smiled into my kiss. He grabbed something out of his bag on the way to the bed – a large towel. Very thoughtful. He smoothed it out on the bed and fell down on it, tugging me along. We kissed slowly, passionately, rolling around on the big bed, the heat rising between us. 

“I just want it to be good for you, you know”, he mumbled between kissing my bare breasts. “Oh my God, Benedict, it already is”, I said, moaning. “I just don’t want to hurt you”, he continued between nibbling my nipples softly and driving me wild. I took a hold of his face to make him look at me, allowing me one second of focus. “I’m OK with the pain. I don’t expect perfection. I think practice makes perfect. I want to start practicing”, and then I daringly took his hand off my breast and placed it between my legs. He was not slow to follow. His long fingers caressed me teasingly. I whimpered and begged for more. He pushed my underwear to one side and dove down on me, his tongue lapping in and out of my folds, flicking my swollen clit, and it was my turn to grab the sheets. “Yes… yes.. Please… Oh… My… God”. He tore of my panties and after a hot kiss he was straight back between my legs with long, rhythmic licks mixed with quick flicks over my most sensitive parts. He was taking it slow, stopping and starting, and it was driving me wild and it was driving me mad! “Benedict”, I panted, “please….” “Soon”, he mumbled, circling my breasts while licking away, then suddenly grabbing my buttocks and pushing me up to him. A total prisoner to his mouth, no way to move, and then he really went to work on me. It took all of ten seconds before I released into an otherworldly orgasm, totally beyond myself. I screamed his name as I came, and I felt my heart burst at the same time. “I love you”, I said as he climbed on top of me, speaking from inside a haze of pleasure. “And I you, Amanda”, he said, positioning himself right at my opening. “Sure you are ready?” “Never been surer”, I said, and put my hands on the small of his back to help him into me.

The sensation was… big… big and bursting. I felt completely possessed by him, incredibly full and very overwhelmed. He was so huge inside of me. I was burning around him, stretching, tearing. “Breathe, Amanda”, he said as he moved through that last barrier, and I let out a moan of pain. “Are you OK?”, he asked, looking down on me. I tried to find that breath, and could only nod. Tears were spilling out of my eyes down my temples, not from the pain as much as from the beauty of being his. He must have seen that in my eyes, in my trembling smile, and he was very still, letting me adjust to the newness. Slowly I begun relaxing around him. Softly, gently, he begun moving inside of me, kissing me and whispering in my ear “You are so beautiful, Amanda. I love you so much. Please tell me what I can do to make this easier for you.” “Just make love to me.”, I said, moving beneath him, pleasure now mixing with the pain, slowly overtaking the pain. My excitement rose at seeing him rise and fall into me, groaning, taking me. I flung my arms above my head, starting to sigh happily in tune with his thrusts. His fingers twined into mine, and he said “Good?” “Oh so good”, I confirmed, wrapping my legs behind his back. After a few more strokes, he said: “Let’s see if we can make it great”, put his strong arms underneath me and rocked backwards, lifting us both back up to sitting. 

That pushed him a little bit further into me yet, and I gasped and trembled as the last of my virginity was taken away from me. He held me close, kissing my neck, then bending me backwards to kiss my nipples, which send shots of pleasure down to where I was impaled on his cock. “Oh yes”; I sighed happily, and he brought me back up, grabbing my buttocks and moving me up and down on him. “OH YES”, I cried now, feeling that same place being massaged with the tip of his hot throbbing member. A few more strokes, a little faster, a little harder, and I started moaning and loosing myself on him, and he on me. “Oh my God”; he panted, “I am going to come soon. Please come with me, Amanda, I’d love you to come with me!” and that undid me completely; I came and came, squeezing the juices out of him, both of us shouting each other’s name over and over again. This time, I didn’t sob, I didn’t cry, I laughed in wonder as he lay me down on the sheet. He pulled out and I said “don’t look, please don’t look”, as I saw red spreading out on the towel. “It’s OK”, he said, not looking. “I plan to have it framed, you know” and then he grinned his beautiful grin as I giggled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you if you've read this far! The next part will be Benedict and Amanda ticking off their bucket list in various places around the world. That is, if anyone would like to read more? Please let me know what you think.


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